We’ve all heard the expression, “playing hard to get”. According to many relationship experts, seeming uninterested at first is an essential part of the dating game. No one wants to come across eager, needy and overzealous because this automatically signifies that you don’t have a life. And let’s face it; we don’t want to date people who are lonely, and lacking friendships and hobbies. It just creates the potential for possessive disaster. So just how does the “hard to get” approach alter the way we view potential partners?
For women, studies have shown that if you are good-looking, healthy, youthful, and “hard to get” then you are more likely to be seen as reproductively valuable to men. Because you are “hard to get”, it creates the illusion that you are valuable and therefore more attractive. It also makes it seem like to you take pride in selecting your partners, and are not willing to settle for anyone inferior. In addition to all this, if a woman plays “hard to get”, she is secretly testing how far a man is willing to go for her. Will he invest time, money and energy in her? Will he fight for what he wants? If a man is successful at winning her heart, even though she wasn’t really putting it out there, then she is confident that he serious and committed.
For men, playing “hard to get” also has its advantages. Studies have shown that men who maintain a degree of uncertainty when it comes to women are more likely to be perceived as desirable. It seems like women like a man who is a bit of a challenge. If a man can show that he’s interested while still maintaining a certain level of nonchalance then he automatically keeps women in the guessing game. Is he or isn’t he interested? Women are so used to having men falling over themselves to capture their attention, so a guy who is a bit aloof seems a lot more valuable because it indicates that he’s got other options.