If you’ve been on the dating scene for a while, then it’s likely that you’ve probably encountered the quintessential guy who blows hot and cold. At certain times, it seems like he is absolutely besotted by you, at others, he couldn’t seem to care less. This is known as the “Push-Pull Technique” and it’s a tool that has been widely popularized by male dating books about what it means to be a player.
Essentially, men have noted that women are reading books like “The Rules” and are basically reversing the gender norm by partaking in the same behavior. Whether this is right or wrong, we can’t say. However, dating rules for men and women should merely be used as a guideline and not a bible. Some folks tend to take this advice to far and the jury is still out on whether it actually helps create lasting, long-term relationships or whether it simply hooks people in for a short period of time. After all, it is active manipulation. You want to call him/her, but you’re not doing it because that’s not how you play the game.
If you’re currently seeing someone who is blowing hot and cold, then take of the following reasons why he might be doing it as it could be a red flag for the future:
He’s addicted to the thrill of the chase – he enjoys the passion that comes with a hot pursuit, and he might lose interest the second he feels like he has you.
He doesn’t know what he wants – He might like you, but he doesn’t have the balls to confess that he doesn’t want a relationship.
He finds it entertaining – He knows that after being cold, he will come on hot again and you will be more than down to fall into his trap. It’s a game to him, and the only way you can up stakes is by mimicking the same behavior however this is not fertile soil to be growing a relationship.
Understand that not all men who blow hot and cold are jerks, the secret is to find the men who might be doing it merely to hook you in because they actually care about forming a relationship with you. At the beginning of a courtship, push-pull behavior is acceptable, but it’s a red flag if it goes on for far too long.